September 9, 2011

I'm feeling so many things lately. I forget if I have been doing this for years or is it the first time that I'm actually so aware of what I'm feeling. I'm constantly having monologue inside my mind. When I'm walking, drawing, writing, showering, eating and so on. I'm aware that I'm talking inside my heart. And I try to listen to it. I'm constantly finding the right words to describe what I'm feeling at that moment. Sometimes I just can't seem to find the right word to express it.

Sometimes I'd crumble very easily. Sometimes I might be perfectly fine with the same thing I cried for yesterday. I don't know how that could be. But it's just the way it is. No matter how much you want to go back to the past, or how sad you are for the scary changes you've experienced, life still goes on, darling. Nothing will stop for you. I like to think that everyone is experiencing the same thing, it's time to learn to let go of something we should, and make the most of what is going to happen instead of being sad with something we couldn't change. Accept it with an open heart. Take a deep breath. Smile. The best is yet to come. I need to learn to live my life. There's no use dwelling on the past or crying for something that we cannot change. I see them happened and I let them.
I'm aware of it, I'm aware of what I'm really feeling inside these days, I myself can see how different I was in the past, even the me yesterday could be thinking something very different from what I'm thinking at this moment. And I'm ... I can't seem to find the right word to describe how I feel about this. At certain moments I think I'm doing the very right thing, but maybe after a few hours I might think I shouldn't have done it, things might be better if I didn't do it. Sometimes I wish this will happen, but the second day I secretly hope it won't. I'm confused with my own feelings now. I don't know what I really want anymore.

No I'm not being sad or negative or melancholic about certain things, I'm just trying to express what I'm thinking at this moment...or maybe yes, I do miss something in the past. But that's all. I know I can't do anything to get it back now. Because honestly, we all have to accept the fact that the only person we can change is ourselves.

Detachment. I'm always fascinated by the idea of being detached. I saw a book with the title "The Art of Detachment" in my school library that really interests me. I always think that life will be good if everyone knows how to detach themselves from certain people or things. Sometimes these people are unchangeable that you need to let go of if you are to become a healthier individual. Detachment is not indifference. I know, being detached seems so cold and aloof, like you can't be that way when you love or care for a person. You never want anybody in the relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think that it's a good thing for the others? But detachment means the willingness to accept that you cannot change or control certain people. Detachment means the process by which you are free to feel your own feelings without being overly influenced by certain people. It means you allow people to be who they really are rather than who you want them to be.
By detachment I mean that you must not worry whether the desired result follows from your action or not, so long as your motive is pure, your means correct.
- Gandhi
The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them.
He lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.
I'm fascinated by that idea. There are over thousands of articles about detachment online, I just realized. Apparently a lot of people have realized how important it is. Being too attached to something, or even someone can stop us from moving on and growing into a better human sometimes.

I'm learning it. But again, detachment is not indifference. Being detached doesn't mean you don't care anymore. It's just you let things to happen without trying to control or change them. You see things as they are, you let them go by their own ways. 

5 Love notes:

  1. dear, part of your words express my feelingss!!

  2. @Nian sie:
    wow. did u actually finish reading it? i wasnt expecting anyone to read it because they're just my personal thoughts and nothing too interesting etc. haha. Sometimes it's really hard for me to find the correct words to express my feelings actually. aiya. girls always feel the same. haha.

  3. great post!i see eye to eye with you,Kah Ying..
    I'm learning from you by the way

    1. wow, did you actually finish reading it?
      Ah thanks, it'd be great if it makes you to think things from a different point of view! :)



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