Everytime when I'm lying on my bed I think of so many things to post here, I actually wrote them down, the thoughts I have when I walk and eat and jog and talk, because I'm too afraid that I'd forget what I want to write down. It has become a habit to write my thoughts down these days, no matter how trivial or unimportant it is, I start questioning myself about those thoughts, for the past years I had always let these thoughts just come and go without trying to capture them. But when I'm finally here, sitting in front of my computer, I'd just stare at the blank screen, trying to figure out where should I start.
These months, I learned so much, so much more than any other year I have been through, although school has only started for 3 months. I don't know where to begin. Things that I thought was unnecessary last time turned out to be essential here. Things I never thought I'd be doing. Things I never thought I'd have to learn. Things I never thought I'd love. Honestly, the moment I came here I didn't know what to expect, I had absolutely no idea with what I'm going to learn, I had always been a science student - always. I didn't know what art schools would look like, I didn't know people here would be so different from the others, but so similar to me in some ways, that time I just knew that everytime when I stumbled upon a webpage full of drawings and photographs I'd stay there a little longer. Now I have a journal, it's not like a diary, it's more than a diary, it's a notebook, a quote-book, a book to doodle and a collection of random thoughts.
Life here has been good. I'm more inspired than ever, not by artworks, but the beautiful people around me, beautiful.. in terms of their mind, the way they think, their beliefs, their experiences and struggles that made them who they are today, and by different artists. Life has never been easy, but these ups and downs are the things that make life interesting. I learned that everyone you see, the one on street playing guitar, the one who just walked past you, the one who's eating alone, the one ... ah just everyone you see, has a very interesting life story, and they all have secrets no one knows, they're probably struggling about something too. Very often, those people who look confident to me, are actually not that confident after you know them, they might be admiring something about you too. Those people who look strong and tough and independent, could actually be as fragile as we all are after you get to know them. So don't judge. And be nice to everyone.
I find myself comparing myself to the other people and think that I'm not good enough sometimes. But I realize no matter what you do, how hard you try to be better and nicer, there'll always be people who dislike what you do. What Steve Jobs said is right - Live your life. Don't waste your life living someone else's life. The only person I need to please is myself, for I'll never be able to do things that everyone likes. That benefits no one, I'd just lose myself eventually. I need to care less about what people think.
I feel myself learning and growing.
p/s: I'm going for a short trip with my family few weeks later! I'm really looking forward to it! I have been craving to have a little getaway and just relax! so yay! I've just ordered a waterproof lomo camera too so I could take photos underwater. Am really excited (: