icollectmoments

I'm so sorry for the lack of update, but school has been crazily busy these days. I was thinking to cut or perhaps dye my hair before Chinese New Year but I actually rushed my works till the very last second I left Singapore. No time really. And I'm definitely not loving that lifestyle - going home from school at 7 in the morning.

I don't know how I can be very ambitious sometimes, but completely the opposite the other days. I like photography I like photographing people and beauty but I do it often because I like it, not because I want to get awards and show people how much I can do, not because I want to have the highest score for photography in my class, not because I want to compete and win and so I could show off. Sometimes people forget the entire purpose of being in a school - to learn, explore and experiment together with the people who have the same interest, not just to compete among each other. You are there to learn together, no? I'm really not a fan of competitions, I do certain projects well because I like it, not because I want to get the highest mark. Do people see the difference?

Sometimes I think I want to travel around the world photographing campaigns for different fashion brands/magazines, other times I just want to set up a business and shoot weddings, move to different countries once in a while to photograph people's love. (And I will definitely limit the weddings I can do each month just so I'd make sure I'll have enough time and effort for each set of photos I take) I want to feel more love from people in the world. And occasionally visiting talents and photograph their life and them. A wedding + lifestyle photographer. You see the difference between the two goals? First one, you take photos that make you proud because of the brands/exposure, but you are shooting things other people want you to, stress level would be reaaaaaaally high. Second one, it's more like helping people to capture those biiiiiig and important moments in their life. Based on my current personality, I'd go for the second because I don't find a meaning big enough for me to do the first, yet. I need to feel like I'm helping the society, that I make a difference, and the first doesn't seem to give me that. I like fashion, but it's never the first thing in the list, I appreciate branded goods very much, but I don't see why it should be the most important thing on earth... Sometimes I feel displaced when I'm in Singapore, because I really just want a much simpler and easier life while doing what I love. Also the reason why I enjoyed New Zealand and South Africa so much. And I don't want to be ashamed of what I feel.

I remember when I was in high school, I joined chess club because I'm so interested in everything about chess but after taking part in a chess tournament i sorta stopped playing because i couldn't handle the stress of the competition. To me playing chess should be something to keep your mind active but relaxing at the same time, it shouldn't be so stressful. I would continue learning different things about chess but trying to defeat people just to feel accomplished is never my main intention. It's just me...

i hope someone is reading this. and give me some of your thoughts about it. I'm a bit lost.

by the way, happy chinese new year! may 2013 will be a year full of good surprises for you and i.