I'm so sorry for the lack of update, but school has been crazily busy these days. I was thinking to cut or perhaps dye my hair before Chinese New Year but I actually rushed my works till the very last second I left Singapore. No time really. And I'm definitely not loving that lifestyle - going home from school at 7 in the morning.

I don't know how I can be very ambitious sometimes, but completely the opposite the other days. I like photography I like photographing people and beauty but I do it often because I like it, not because I want to get awards and show people how much I can do, not because I want to have the highest score for photography in my class, not because I want to compete and win and so I could show off. Sometimes people forget the entire purpose of being in a school - to learn, explore and experiment together with the people who have the same interest, not just to compete among each other. You are there to learn together, no? I'm really not a fan of competitions, I do certain projects well because I like it, not because I want to get the highest mark. Do people see the difference?

Sometimes I think I want to travel around the world photographing campaigns for different fashion brands/magazines, other times I just want to set up a business and shoot weddings, move to different countries once in a while to photograph people's love. (And I will definitely limit the weddings I can do each month just so I'd make sure I'll have enough time and effort for each set of photos I take) I want to feel more love from people in the world. And occasionally visiting talents and photograph their life and them. A wedding + lifestyle photographer. You see the difference between the two goals? First one, you take photos that make you proud because of the brands/exposure, but you are shooting things other people want you to, stress level would be reaaaaaaally high. Second one, it's more like helping people to capture those biiiiiig and important moments in their life. Based on my current personality, I'd go for the second because I don't find a meaning big enough for me to do the first, yet. I need to feel like I'm helping the society, that I make a difference, and the first doesn't seem to give me that. I like fashion, but it's never the first thing in the list, I appreciate branded goods very much, but I don't see why it should be the most important thing on earth... Sometimes I feel displaced when I'm in Singapore, because I really just want a much simpler and easier life while doing what I love. Also the reason why I enjoyed New Zealand and South Africa so much. And I don't want to be ashamed of what I feel.

I remember when I was in high school, I joined chess club because I'm so interested in everything about chess but after taking part in a chess tournament i sorta stopped playing because i couldn't handle the stress of the competition. To me playing chess should be something to keep your mind active but relaxing at the same time, it shouldn't be so stressful. I would continue learning different things about chess but trying to defeat people just to feel accomplished is never my main intention. It's just me...

i hope someone is reading this. and give me some of your thoughts about it. I'm a bit lost.

by the way, happy chinese new year! may 2013 will be a year full of good surprises for you and i.

4 Love notes:

  1. just finished reading it siewps! i agree with you... there's just too much competition in school. def not worth waking up to x_x hope you're having a great time in m'sia! i'll be in KL on sat and sun :) see you next week!

  2. Hey Ying!

    People are materialistic, the world is competitive. Hence I'd say, do things that you love, things that make you a better person, things that make you happy! Of course time is limited for all the things we love, and I understand it's very stressful to live or to study at Singapore there. Well.. Endure it? Once you go through the hard times, you'll be glad that you've been there and you'll smile in the end. :)
    You're a great person who gets to involved in life so much and very active at such a young age! Sometimes I'm very envy of you because you're too awesomeeee! :P Hahaha. I know, you'll succeed if you happened to get into wedding photography one day. You'll always have all my support! :D
    Cheer up and JIA YOU YINGG!!!

    Happy Chinese New Year!
    Keep being awesome. :)

    Warm regards,
    Pei Khim

  3. Hey,

    After reading what you are going through now, I kinda feel happy for you!(Not sarcasm) but it's because I went through thoughts like that often when I'm studying here. Sometimes when I think what the heck am I doing in Korea, is it for me? is it for the government? is it for my parent's expectation? or is it because I really really wanna do it. I studied subjects I used to really liked but it no longer seem interesting to me anymore. I didn't know what I was doing because the initial feelings wasn't here with me when I pursue my engineering dream, but it just simply for grades and projects. Striving to compete with classmates, pull all night just to finish one paper, and etc. I was thinking what was the point? But I told myself, I am at the right place at the right time right now! I committed myself in this place(College), I committed to this bond with government, I committed myself that no matter what hard it is and how hard it's going to be, I will continue it, it's not because I'm forcing myself to like something I don't like anymore but it's because I know I wouldn't know one day I would fall in love with this dream again. I can surely tell you, I'm now very glad that I'm here. I'm happy that I see the gold in what I'm doing now that other people can't do. I think it's the same to you too. You are there studying photography and it's the right place for you. It's just the right heart to view and right perspective to it. I believe one day your name will be impacting lots of people's life and it is important that this is one of the phase you have walk through. Knowing that you are committed. I love engineering like never before now. Because I know one day I will be using this to change lives and future. It's tough but yo know what, it's worth it^^ Hope this simple thought will inspire you in some way. You are talented and keep pursing your dreams, work is work but there is still an aspect of dream in it. Don't let it go^^ Dream bigger!! HWAITTING!!!!
    Happy Chinese New Year.


  4. Pei Khim & Jensen,
    thank you so much for the encouragement, it means so much to me,
    i really appreciate it!
    im a lot better now!
    thankyou!!! :D

    lots of love,



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