Colours

I love colours. Every colour is beautiful. I can't really choose my favorite colour everytime people ask.
These days I have been visiting different art material stores so often. Nearly everyday. And I really like the entire aura in this particular store, they always play classical music, with the orangey lighting, I feel like to spend hours there looking and trying each pen with different colours, each brush with different sizes and usages, looking at each sketchbook with different designs, touching each paper with different textures, figuring out what are the differences between all the different kinds of paints and colouring mediums, reading and remembering the names for each colour.

I'm enormously grateful that I've been granted one of the most precious gifts in the world - the eyes to see how colourful and wonderful the world is, or I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now, would I?

Why Do I Need To Understand?

I don't understand.
I really don't understand.
I want to know.
I want to understand.

Why do you need to do this?
Why don't you just do that?
Isn't everything easier if you do it that way?
Why?

"It would take a long time to understand that you don't need to understand."
Gabriel posted this as his facebook status.

It caused me to think a little.
I started asking myself, why do I need to understand? why do I want to understand?
It took me some time to realize I'm too attached to something when I want to understand too much about it.
A small part of me wants to change the thing.
I thought I just posted a post and said that I'm learning to detach, to see things as they are without trying to control them, to not worry whether the desired result follows from my action or not, so long as my motive is pure.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself about it again and again.

I respect Gabriel, though he's just my classmate, and we're same age. haha.
When we girls start talking or gossiping about the other people (girls like to guess about everything and anything about the other people, I realize. And we sort of assume what we guess is all true. This is so wrong.)
he'd say "Hey I think we should just stop guessing, because we won't know the truth anyway."

And I agreed. We don't know the truth anyway.
We don't know about people's past, and we will never know all of their untold stories and secrets, how can we try to judge people from what we know, what we assume?

...when we don't.

I haven't heard Gab saying about someone's bad thing, even when everyone is talking about it in a group, he'd just listen without commenting. Wise man. Haha. It makes me believe that he won't be saying anything bad behind our backs.

A good friend, he is.
That makes me want to do the same.

A Day Out With Mum

It's really not a usual thing for me to blog twice a day. But if I'm not posting it today, the next day I'll have to blog about today. And tomorrow I'm going to meet my two besties (yay!) so I'm pretty sure I'll have something to blog about tomorrow!

So today mum and I went to shop a little and watch Johnny English Reborn. Before I came home I had already told my mum I'm going to watch movie together with her! Hmm I like going out with my mum. I don't mind holding her hands in public. I like to feel my mum's hand.

Mum's fish & chips. 

It's hugeeeeee that we both didn't manage to finish them (as usual) haha.

My seafood pasta.

I'll forever be ordering pasta when I'm dining in some nice restaurants. I'm craving for pasta most of the time. This pasta sauce is a little too thick though.

While my dad is forever craving imported fruits. lol. So mum bought some strawberries from Australia, some cherries from US and golden kiwis from New Zealand for him. haha. I kept on emphasizing the countries when I brought them to my dad after dinner just now.

My another all time craving. Or should I say it's every girl's. They're from my sister in law! I'll blame her if I gain weight :p

Going to meet my besties tomorrowwww! It'll be a good day. Today is another beautiful day, thank you.

First Painting Lesson

So we had our first painting lesson this Monday. I have always been a science student so I really haven't had any formal classes on painting, by using gouache or acrylic paints or oil painting. I didn't even know what's the difference before I came here. Never thought I'd find it so interesting and exciting.

The class only lasted for 3 hours and our lecturer had to demonstrate six different painting techniques to us in about 45 minutes so we'd have enough time to try out ourselves. So she just did a quick demonstration. As you can see the painting is divided into 6 boxes, each using different painting technique. It was really, really interesting to see the results by different painting techniques. My friends and I were so amazed!

impasto, blending, glazing, knife painting, sgraffito, pointilism.

As usual we can only use black, white and the three main colours. We can only use these 5 colours to get the colours we want. It really takes some time to get the exact colour you want. 

Some of my friends' works after two hours. We couldn't really feel the time and suddenly it's already 7pm. Ahh when I was painting I realized I really really like purple! I just like looking at that colour. 

Going back home. I think it was about 11pm because I stayed in school to finish another project after our painting class and dinner. I like busy lifestyle, I like to stay in school with friends till late because I'd have no time to be unhappy. I like school life.

Honestly, I thought I wouldn't like drawing and painting. I thought what I want is only photography. I realize I was so wrong. We'd never know until we try. We even learn how to study a painting. It turns out to be so interesting to all of us. There are so many hidden secrets and symbolism in a single painting. Although a lot of people have been asking, why do you need to learn these? You're not thinking to be a curator right. 

I don't have a clear answer for this yet but I know these knowledge will definitely help me in another way. And the thing is, I'm happy learning these. This is the thing that matters to me. 

I've always had a wish, a wish that I always think I can only think and dream of. I wish I'd be able to draw and paint the people I love on a huge sheet, nicely, professionally, beautifully. I think that'd be a perfect gift for someone.

Blissful Moments

A collection of beautiful things around us, beautiful memories as well as beautiful moments I tried to capture, record and keep for myself. I love beautiful things - beautiful faces, beautiful seashells, beautiful beaches, beautiful eyes, beautiful shoes, beautiful sunrise, beautiful sunset, beautiful acts, beautiful memories, beautiful mind, beautiful heart.

These videos were all taken in New Zealand and Taiwan when I traveled there. I love traveling. I like recording every beautiful thing I see. I don't want myself to forget what beautiful places I have been to. I don't want myself to forget how wonderful the world is. I don't want myself to forget that life is inspiring, no matter what happens, sometimes we just need to go out and get some fresh air, and notice how beautiful things are.

Every experience is unrepeatable
- Italo Calvino

Basically this video isn't only mine. It's also my friends'. The music is by a friend, while some of the wordings are from another friend! (Thank you Kevin & Gabriel!) It's actually a school assignment, and it's the very first time I put in so much effort into a single video, usually I'm too lazy to have a lot of editing in it, because I'm not very good in using video editing software.

After showing the video to the lecturer, he said it's well done, the music and voices are good, someone said it's very spiritual, some said it's professional (Thank you, really)
"But, I cannot accept this." said the lecturer. I knew what's wrong, all the videos were not recorded purposely for the project. It's a known statement that we all should conceptualize our works before we start recording or doing it, obviously I didn't do that. I don't know why he didn't tell/question me about it when he checked my video earlier so I might have changed the whole thing. But I smiled and nodded, I was okay, I was fine, until I got back to my seat, the tears just wouldn't listen to me, they started flowing through my cheeks when I saw so many of my friends' works got shortlisted to the exhibition while mine's rejected. Yes, I started crying. But deep inside I really know that I did a good job, people like my work, I myself like it, the lecturer himself said it's good, why am I crying?
But hey, it's beyond my control. It's okay to cry, right?

Friends started to notice it.
Nerissa gave me a really heart-warming hug, telling me it's okay, saying that she'll buy me my favorite gongcha bubble tea (haha). Darren tried to cheer me up by showing me a really cool video, and yes it did brighten up my day! because I was so concentrated in watching the video that I forgot to think about what just happened. After watching the video I knew I just need some distractions to feel better. Gabriel asked me to go out and get some fresh air and drink some water. "I'm serious! go out! Don't force yourself." he said. Sam text me right after I left the class to go home earlier as I was coming back to Malaysia and said my video is really professional and they love me! Kevin said he doesn't like to see me crying and my work is beautiful to him though the lecturer might not think the same. When I was on the way back home Windy text me and asked how was I feeling and she was worried.
I wanna thank each of them. I'm so touched. so grateful. so thankful. My heart exploded with gratitude. These people are amazing. I don't see why I should be sad when I'm surrounded by these awesome friends.

I looked at the gloomy sky outside the window of the bus and said
"Today is such a beautiful day."

18th of September

Everytime if I stay at home alone for too long, my mood tends to be a little down. I like busy lifestyle, because I'd have no time to think about all the nonsense. All the ugly thoughts like to run wild in my mind when I have too much free time.
I looked at the date today. And my heart ached a little. Things were so different back then. I want to go back so much. so much.
I started to think about the past, miss the past, realize how much things have changed, realize I can't have things that aren't mine, accept the fact that they are all past tense now. Some times I feel perfectly fine, I say I'm happy and I honestly mean it, but some times I'd start thinking about something I don't have and can't have. Humans always want something they can't have, yea?

Don't start asking me not to be sad, because it is okay to be sad once in a while. I'm a human. I have emotions. And this is the beautiful thing being a human. We have emotions.
I give myself a smile. I do not regret. Never. Memories are beautiful. and always more beautiful than reality.

Outdoor Drawing

am very motivated to blog more often by a friend who blogs everyday. (Thanks Gab!) I always said I was too busy to blog, but why my classmate can but I can't? Obviously it's because I don't manage my time well (as usual). I know I shouldn't make blogging sound a chore, but I realized if I'm not blogging I'm not motivated to take photos these days because I don't know why I'm keeping all the random photos.

Today it's our first time to have outdoor drawing session outside the school! It was really fun! It feels quite awesome when all the passers-by started to stop by and look at you drawing. You feel like an artist! Sometimes it could be quite tense though. But it's fun because we were with all our classmates (sitting at different spots). Then we all started to get some ice-cream and food because we were basically drawing in the middle of a busy street. 

This was what I tried to draw. The moment I started drawing the seller wasn't there yet! And suddenly the umbrella was open and everything was slightly moved.

This was what happened to each of us. Before we started drawing our lecturer had already told us maybe there'd be people standing around us to look at us drawing, "Just focus on drawing your subject, don't get distracted." I must say that it's easier said than done. I feel very unnatural when people look at me drawing!

The best drawing student in my class. And he was sitting beside me. !(@*^#@# 

haha. His drawings are really really great.

Went to McDonald for lunch. I found it really funny when 3 of the guys in front of me started shaking their fries together in their very different ways so I quickly recorded it.

Watching this video always makes me smile!

Detachment

I'm feeling so many things lately. I forget if I have been doing this for years or is it the first time that I'm actually so aware of what I'm feeling. I'm constantly having monologue inside my mind. When I'm walking, drawing, writing, showering, eating and so on. I'm aware that I'm talking inside my heart. And I try to listen to it. I'm constantly finding the right words to describe what I'm feeling at that moment. Sometimes I just can't seem to find the right word to express it.

Sometimes I'd crumble very easily. Sometimes I might be perfectly fine with the same thing I cried for yesterday. I don't know how that could be. But it's just the way it is. No matter how much you want to go back to the past, or how sad you are for the scary changes you've experienced, life still goes on, darling. Nothing will stop for you. I like to think that everyone is experiencing the same thing, it's time to learn to let go of something we should, and make the most of what is going to happen instead of being sad with something we couldn't change. Accept it with an open heart. Take a deep breath. Smile. The best is yet to come. I need to learn to live my life. There's no use dwelling on the past or crying for something that we cannot change. I see them happened and I let them.
I'm aware of it, I'm aware of what I'm really feeling inside these days, I myself can see how different I was in the past, even the me yesterday could be thinking something very different from what I'm thinking at this moment. And I'm ... I can't seem to find the right word to describe how I feel about this. At certain moments I think I'm doing the very right thing, but maybe after a few hours I might think I shouldn't have done it, things might be better if I didn't do it. Sometimes I wish this will happen, but the second day I secretly hope it won't. I'm confused with my own feelings now. I don't know what I really want anymore.

No I'm not being sad or negative or melancholic about certain things, I'm just trying to express what I'm thinking at this moment...or maybe yes, I do miss something in the past. But that's all. I know I can't do anything to get it back now. Because honestly, we all have to accept the fact that the only person we can change is ourselves.

Detachment. I'm always fascinated by the idea of being detached. I saw a book with the title "The Art of Detachment" in my school library that really interests me. I always think that life will be good if everyone knows how to detach themselves from certain people or things. Sometimes these people are unchangeable that you need to let go of if you are to become a healthier individual. Detachment is not indifference. I know, being detached seems so cold and aloof, like you can't be that way when you love or care for a person. You never want anybody in the relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think that it's a good thing for the others? But detachment means the willingness to accept that you cannot change or control certain people. Detachment means the process by which you are free to feel your own feelings without being overly influenced by certain people. It means you allow people to be who they really are rather than who you want them to be.

By detachment I mean that you must not worry whether the desired result follows from your action or not, so long as your motive is pure, your means correct.
- Gandhi

The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them.
He lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.
-Laozi

I'm fascinated by that idea. There are over thousands of articles about detachment online, I just realized. Apparently a lot of people have realized how important it is. Being too attached to something, or even someone can stop us from moving on and growing into a better human sometimes.

I'm learning it. But again, detachment is not indifference. Being detached doesn't mean you don't care anymore. It's just you let things to happen without trying to control or change them. You see things as they are, you let them go by their own ways. 

Finally my body couldn't take it. Giving me signals to get more rest.
Sleeping late every night trying to finish the school works but turns out that I have no choice but to skip some classes because my body wants me to rest.

Poor body, I honestly feel so sorry, for not taking good care of you. I didn't mind what I eat. Maybe you were already feeling unwell but I still had the fries from Burger King yesterday that made things worse. I nearly forgot that I'm having  fried curry puff or yam pie or pineapple pie every morning. My throat hurt like hell when I woke up this morning. It still does.

My body has always been weak, I remember those days when I was still in secondary school, everytime I took part in some camps, I'd have fallen sick and my parents would have to drive all the way to the place to fetch me back home. But those days are different, when I was being fetched home, I'd be treated like a princess. Mum and maid will cook something healthy and nice, brought the food up to my room sometimes if I was too sick to go downstairs, brought me to see doctor, all I needed to do was to get more rest. Sleep, sleep and sleep.

Now I'm at somewhere too far away from my home, from my mum. I'd have to take care of myself. I don't even know where's the nearest clinic here. Mum just phoned me and told me to go to see a doctor and what I should eat, I always feel safer when I listen to her voice. Amazing mum, she is.

True that the greatest wealth is health. Because you can't do anything you want if your body doesn't want you to, or doesn't allow you to. I'll take better care of it. It's a duty to keep our bodies in good health. Eat healthier food.

Try, try and try

These works are basically not mine. I re-created them. Check out David Downton's works. I love them. Personally I think sometimes it's good to follow some famous artists' works to see how they use all the different materials, or how you can get the same effect by using the materials you have.

I honestly had not expected myself to do works like this one month ago. Or even two weeks ago. 

I do not mean that these works are fantastic, in fact I need a lot more practices, what I wanna say is I'm trying to do something I haven't thought before. I didn't expect myself to do fashion illustrations, using chinese ink that I've always been using to write caligraphy since I was small. It really was the first time I tried drawing fashion illustration. If you think that my school is good because they teach us to draw things like this, I'm so sorry to say that you're wrong. I'm the only one in my class who did this. And everyone does some very different works from mine. The lecturers really don't teach us very much on the techniques and skills to draw everything. They just keep emphasizing how important it is to try, try and try. Just keep trying. Be not afraid of being wrong. 

And yes I really like fashion illustrations, especially the face part. As you can tell I'm very much into beautiful faces. I love beautiful things. beautiful features. beautiful eyes. beautiful mind.

We are urged to explore and try using different mediums and materials. We even used chopsticks. This was mostly done by using wood chopsticks with chinese ink, in an A2-sized paper.

I'm very happy with all of them, not because they're perfect (because they're not, and will never be), it's because I can see my own progression, I can see myself trying things I haven't tried before, creating works that excite myself. The results always surprise me when I try different things. It feels amazing to create very different works that you yourself are happy with.

People who think art students would have more free time, I'm afraid it's not true. I have been sleeping at 3am these days, but I never really managed to finish my homework. It becomes so normal to me now, because most of my classmates do the same. But, we're happy, because we're doing things we like.

Write the book you want to read
- Austin Kleon

That inspired me. Create the artworks you want to look at.

One thing I really like about Lasalle is, we are encouraged to write or draw anything in our notebooks which will be graded at the end of each term. Quotes, ideas, feelings, inspirations, notes or any other thing we want to record and collect. Just whatever. The quotes and doodling above are something I like, personally. And I created them for myself to look at. Not the lecturers. You will never be scolded for doing something that they don't ask us to do. You don't have to follow exactly like what they teach us to do sometimes, they like us to think out of the box. There's no right or wrong. Try more. Be creative. Explore. Be adventurous. 

I like that.

The empty bed beside mine

Sister has just left to London. The bed beside mine would be empty for a month, for the very first time. She keeps reminding me to do something when she's not here.

"Ying, you must remember to call back home when I'm not here okay?"
"Ying, remember to eat the apples in the fridge."
"Ying, please remember to bring this back for mum & dad when you go home okay?"
"Ying, please do not forget to buy the train ticket to go back home on September okay?"

No I'm not sad. And I'm not thinking something negative like what I did before I departed to New Zealand. (something I posted in tumblr 1 day before I left Malaysia) I'm really happy for my sister to have the chance to go over to London to visit all the renowned places that we have been desiring to visit. She has always missed the chances to travel to these beautiful countries (work & travel programmes) when she was in university just because she doesn't like to waste my parents' money.
I wonder if she has reached London. Or what she's doing now. or how is she feeling at this moment.
One month later she'll come back with endless topics about whatever she experiences there to share, with dad and mum, with my brothers, with her friends, with her colleagues, with me. about the people. the places she visits. her works. her apartment. the food. One month later she'll come back with a lot more compared to yesterday. Seasoned by more experiences.

Please take as many photos as you can. Show me how beautiful London and Paris are. Please eat so many different types of food that you'll never have here. Please share more about your life in London, bring me there by words.

Please take good care of yourself.

Before we parted. I look like a walking zombie these days. thanks to the endless school works.